Waiting to Die
by Nightsnake
Summary: [I am so cold...] It is leafbare. Three freezing, starving kits lie in the nursery, waiting...[I am so hungry...] But what are they waiting for? It is a question that shall be answered only in her last moments...[Please, come quick...] [Oneshot]


_A warm breeze ruffles my fur as I leap into the air and pin a falling leaf to the ground. A little ball of fur barrels into me as I straighten up, cuffing my ear with a tiny paw. Birdkit and I tumble into a play-fight in the warm, green-leaf air, drawing joy from the simple fact that we're alive and well. It all seems so calm, so perfect – too good to be true._

"_Come on, Rainkit!" She calls, tossing a plump vole up into the air and giving a purring laugh._

_The laugh rings in my ears, filling me with sorrow. Why does it make me so sad...? I don't understand. Everything is perfect..._

I awake to a cold wind brushing my thin pelt. I open my eyes to see Birdkit lying next to me, scarcely breathing. Only the unmoving body of Mountainkit is in the nursery with us.

I rapidly lick Birdkit's fur. She gives a little shudder and looks at me through narrowed eyes before drifting off to sleep again. I let her. Maybe things are better in her dreams.

Somehow, I manage to get to my feet and stumble over to Mountainkit. He can't be dead, not after all we've endured together.

I draw my little tongue over his ears. He does not move. I note with dismay that his body is still, and his scent is growing staler by the moment. When I press my nose into his fur, he embodies the chill of death.

I let out a thin, wailing cry – the most I can produce in my weakened state. No one comes to my aid. Every cat who is fit is out hunting, or else sleeping to push away the horror of this terrible leaf-bare.

"Rainkit?"

I turn to see Birdkit uncurling slowly.

"I'm here." I say, padding uncertainly towards her and collapsing next to her. I don't even know how I managed those few steps.

She lets out an unsteady purr. "I just want to – to thank you, Rainkit." She says in a trembling voice. "Before – before I leave."

"You can't leave me, Birdkit." I whisper. "Press up against me. We'll warm each other."

Birdkit sighs. "You're – so optimistic." She says in a quiet, feeble voice, pushing herself against my painfully skeletal body. Then her head drops onto her paws, and she speaks no more.

A shadow falls over us. I pull myself from the shores of sleep to see who is coming to comfort us.

It is Dawngaze, the medicine cat.

"StarClan help us." She murmurs, rushing over to curl up around us. I revel in the warmth that envelops me, though the claws of hunger still hold me in their grasp.

"I'm...so..._hungry._" I say in small, shaking voice.

"I'm sorry, little one." Dawngaze whispers. "There is no food."

There is a cry of panic outside the nursery. Dawngaze's head shoots up.

"Go on, Dawngaze." I tell her drowsily. "I'll...I'll be fine."  
She seems torn between us and the wailing cats outside. I curl up in a tight ball to better protect myself against the freezing cold fighting to claim me.

Dawngaze finally gives in. "I'll be back." She says to me, getting to her paws and hurrying out of the den.

I turn to Birdkit. Her body rises rapidly up and down, and her breaths are getting shallower. I lick against the lie of her fur, hoping to wake and warm her.

She lifts her head and blinks open her eyes. There is a new light in that green gaze of hers, and she seems full of strength. I envy whatever healing dream StarClan sent to her.

"Oh, Rainkit, I had the most wonderful dream." She says softly, her eyes glowing. "I was in a place where it is always green-leaf, and there are so many cats...Rainkit, they had stars in their fur. And I saw Riverfrost..." Her voice trailed off. Riverfrost, the old medicine cat, had died that moon, the leaf-bare chill finally getting to her old bones and the lack of prey depriving her of what she needed. She had given her last bite of food to us.

I continue licking Birdkit's fur the wrong way. "Don't give in." I tell her desperately. "I _need _you, Birdkit."

Birdkit shrugs. The light in her eyes is fading, and her newfound strength seems to be diminishing. "I want to go..." She says, a faraway look entering her expression. "I can't live here any longer."

"Don't go." I whisper. But it is too late. Birdkit's eyes close, and her head drops to her paws. I feel something disappear – I assume it is Birdkit, going to join StarClan.

My heart opens to sorrow. I am the only survivor, and yet I take no joy in living. My two friends have died, and I am left with no one. I know not if my mother will return, or if any cat will remember me.

My dream from earlier returns to me. I think of that joyous time we were having, and recall Birdkit's yearning to follow her ancestor's pawsteps to the sky. I feel the same urge enter my soul, though at the same time I do not want to follow it. I want to be great, I want to grow to be a warrior, and maybe even leader someday. I don't want to die so young, and never know the pleasure of the hunt or a mate...I want to _live_.

Yet I know it is impossible. It is too late, the prey is killed, the hunt is over...I was sent here to learn love, and to give others joy. I have fulfilled my unknown goals in this place, and it is time for me to ascend to StarClan. Knowing this fills me with warmth, however sad I may be for those I am leaving behind.

I curl up as though I am sleeping and close my eyes, waiting for the inevitable.

Waiting to die.

**Hi, there. I hope you liked it. It's my first _uploaded_ oneshot. I have a whole bunch more just waiting xD Anyways, please rate/review, as I want to know what you think :) And please read my series Spiral of Darkness - I try to update it at least once a week :)**

**Thanks,**

**-Nightsnake**


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